The “I” 

At the time, I was drowning

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I sunk too deep

I hurt, and it wasn’t physical pain. I felt powerless, I started suffocating.

 But,

 I never felt hopeless. Yes, at the time i felt like my soul was floating somewhere unknown, somewhere unsafe,

I could have stopped breathing, it was easier to do so than to take the painful breaths in & out,

You know, the ones that kept me alive.

Hope is What kept me going, I cried in the shower, 

Most of all, I talked to & with God through it 

I had sleepless nights & woke up restless, I clenched to my pillows wondering if they’d like to share my pain,

But something kept me going; that was my imagination of the near future, the dreams I wasn’t willing to believe they were now unreachable, 

I didn’t stop believing in what I once did. 

I dreamed of the day that all the invisible weight would be lifted off my shoulders, 

But also,

I had worried day & night, wondering why I almost sold my dreams for cheap & small desires

I wasn’t willing to relax in a restless flight, somewhere out of memory, too afraid of what I’m meant to become or have,

Yet, I was so afraid. 

I counted days & nights, I looked myself in the mirror & decided that wasn’t it, 

Smoke & mirrors weren’t meant for me, if it’s unclear and I can’t see through, oh well, then ill open my eyes wider,

That moment hurt me so much & i wasn’t gonna force it to fly off, it was a challenge, but it gave me something 

So I stayed still, I let it run through me & wash me down, 

I patiently waited for it to pass,

It was at this time that I learned the importance of allowing self some solitude to understand what I was feeling. 

And for things that light a fire within or that throw me off the edge, 

Those are the things I don’t let go until they’ve given me what they ought to,

I didn’t get in to the rat race for small sweet desires that were nothing but set traps to eliminate my existence while I was still alive,

I felt pain & pleasure,

But most of all, I lived. And now, more than any other time I believe what was said in the Unbroken, “A Moment of Pain is Worth a Lifetime of Glory”

Embrace the chapter that you’re on in life, don’t try to escape it. Live, feel, accept & try to appreciate it. Read it & know why it’s there to offer before it’s vanished! After all, It only takes less than a second to close one chapter. 

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