I bought a book,

Im nervous to start reading it, 

Im afraid I’m not ready to feel convicted,
I open the first page and I keep closing it,
Im nervous,
I have to start all over, the question is NOT “how?”
The question is,  “when, & am I  ready?”

The fear is not the strength I know ill need, it’s not where it’ll come from, it’s within & without! So deep ill need to dig it out, so wide ill have to search for it,  

A few times I’ve found myself here, 

Not lost, not confused, but simply “just here”, 

Lately I’ve been waking up & wondering alot, 

I keep looking at her, the woman in me,

I wonder about her sometimes, and sometimes I just let her be,

No, I’m not disappointed, and no, I’m not ashamed or filled with self pity, it’s Nothing like that. I’m proud of her, she’s reckless enough, fragile you almost break but she stands,  

What I’m dealing with is bigger, 

It’s a battle so within and so necessary to be without, 

I’ve fought one like it, not exactly the same, but I know what it’ll take, 

Sometimes easy and smooth  feel just perfect, 

But no,  this is a mountain. I’ll have to climb alone, 

I’ll either get atop or lost, maybe I’ll find a treasure amidst all of it, 

I have no idea where I’ll end up, the adventure gives me a thrill, 

But I know it’s necessary that I climb it; No, ill not carry it. 

So, some will look at her & conclude she’s  sentimental, compassionate, others will admire her being, others will have her figured out today & tomorrow she’ll be demolished & unknown to them, 

And if you didn’t know, I really do not care who figures her out or who doesn’t. She’s an ocean that has no idea how many species she holds, 

Her purpose in life is not to figure out the unnecessary,  

So, this book….

Dreaming while settling?

Who has caught themselves praying to God for something specific, yet settling for something that deep down they know may not have come from Him?

Who has started so wrong & tried to figure out just how back they can go to reverse the journey?

Who doesn’t know that what we allow is often what continues?